We’re all familiar with checking the weather and seeing the temperature measured in Fahrenheit and/or Celsius. But aren’t those scales a bit arbitrary? Celsius’ 0 to 100 range is based on freezing and boiling water, respectively. Fahrenheit’s scale is based on… well, who cares. It doesn’t make any sense.
But neither scale was invented specifically to represent the weather. I say it’s high time to change that, and moreover to keep it local. The people in say, Honolulu or Copenhagen have very different temperature sensibilities — they can come up with their own scales.
That’s why I’m proud to introduce Sanfranciscius, a new temperature scale custom made for San Francisco weather. Here’s how the scale works:
| Sanfranciscius | F | C | Meaning |
|---|---|---|---|
| 100 SF | 85 | 30 | OMG waaay too hot! Time to strip naked and take the ice bucket challenge out of necessity rather than charity. |
| 50 SF | 65 | 18 | Perfect, average temperature! Safe to leave the house without getting burned by the evil sun or freezing to death. |
| 0 SF | 45 | 7 | Ugh, are you even serious? I put a jacket over my hoodie but I’m probably still going to get frostbite. |
Now when your friends from Colorado or whatever come to visit and complain that you’re being a pansy for wearing 6 undershirts when it’s 40 F out, you can respond by pointing out that in your local weather scale, it’s actually -12.5 SF. Freezing!
The best thing about Sanfranciscius is how easy it is to calculate. Assuming you already have temperature f measured in Fahrenheit, the formula is simply:
s = (f – 45) * 2.5
That’s all there is to it! Incredible. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s 87 SF in here — I need to go take a cold shower and think about purchasing an air conditioner.