If I’m being honest I lost interest in social media when it started filling up with fascist hate groups, but Bluesky promises to be different — or at least more open source — so I’m crossing my fingers and hoping this works out.
Much has been written about the process of “enshittification,” where existing products actively become worse in the name of making a quick dollar. The most cited examples are Facebook, which used to be a way for college students to connect but is now filled with conspiracies from your drunk uncle, or Google Search which used to be a simple and powerful search engine but is now a scrambled nest of ads and AI gibberish.
I think a good example of enshittification is a bicycle. Let’s say you bought a decent bike. Then one day you wake up and before you can ride it to work, you have to install something called Bicycle+ on your phone that costs $18 a month or the tires won’t stay inflated. Well now you have a bicycle that not only sucks but you can’t even give it away. Worse, you can’t sue the company that made it because the app’s terms and conditions (that you didn’t read) included an arbitration agreement.
Personally I’m not overly optimistic that Bluesky will be any different than Facebook and Twitter, but it is new, and in the world where capitalism slowly strangles the life out of everything, perhaps “new” is all we have left.
Due to time constraints last year I never got to post a “part one” of my movie roundup for 2024. So you’re getting it all in one lump sum. Maybe I’ll do the same thing this year, maybe not — we’ll see how it goes. Regardless I’m posting this a bit late, which for this type of post is right on schedule. For me, anyway.
The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill (2003, 20th anniversary reprint)
When this movie first came out I don’t think anyone could have imagined that San Francisco’s most wholesome, feel good movie would be a documentary about an odd man who decided to take care of an invasive species of parrots that formed a flock near his home. But as everyone has their quirks, so do these individual parrots as we soon learn.
This new reprint of the film doesn’t change the story, but it does look significantly better. The color correction is particularly noticeable — the original print had muted, muddy colors that made it look more 1973 than 2003. That’s been fixed, and the film should now be available for streaming in 4K.
Best moment: Opening the window in my apartment and hearing the descendants of the parrots in the movie squawking away.
Rating: 10/10
Dune: Part Two
Let’s see… empires fighting a proxy war in a sandy desert over a valuable resource, framing it as a holy war to influence the locals… *puts down newspaper* Oh sorry, let me put that away and review the new Dune movie.
Part Two begins where the first one left off back in 2021, so I was hoping this would begin with a “last time, on Dune!” recap. Fortunately I still remember roughly where it left off so after a few minutes of trying to remember who was playing which character it all clicked into place.
Much like the last film it sticks largely to the novel, enhancing it with great performances and stunning visual effects. It begins with Paul Atreides shortly after meeting Chani (Zendaya Coleman) and becoming accepted by her and the other Fremen people, taking on the name Muad’Dib.
As for criticisms, the way the Harkonen are presented as cartoonishly evil. This doesn’t fit the subtle worldbuilding at all — to some extent it’s the fault of the source material, but the way they’re portrayed makes it seem like the characters wandered into the wrong movie. And let’s not even talk about the scene where one of them has a pseudo-Hitler moustache.
Also I hate to be this nitpicky but the CGI looks more rushed on this one than the first film. It’s particularly noticeable in the crowd sequences with the worst offender being the obviously fake crowds at the Harkonen colosseum.
It’s already been announced that a third film will be made based on the second novel in the series, Dune Messiah. If you like science fiction with depressing endings this is going to be the trilogy for you.
Best moment: The revelation that the Bene Gesserit aren’t exactly harmless mystical nuns.
Rating: 7/10
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
Following the events of Ghostbusters: Afterlife the Spengler family, which now includes Paul Rudd, has moved back to New York City and is working out of the old Ghostbusters firehouse. Unfortunately for Phoebe, child labor laws mean she has to wait before returning to the dangerous job of ghost busting. Also she’s recently made friends with a ghost.
The main plot centers around Phoebe, which doesn’t really work because the screenwriters don’t seem to know how to connect her character with the comedic beats of the movie. The story revolves around a haunted metal ball that looks like it was taken out of an old IBM Selectric typewriter.
The original surviving members return with Ray (Dan Aykroyd) as a dealer of possessed antiques, Winston (Ernie Hudson) as the wealthy new investor in the Ghostbusters, and Venkman (Bill Murray) as Bill Murray making a quick cameo before he presumably left the set with a suitcase full of cash.
Paul Rudd is criminally underused in this movie, I’m not even sure why they brought him back. This movie banks too hard on nostalgia while neglecting the family’s storyline from the last one.
Maybe they’ll make another Ghostbusters movie one day but this version is already running thin on ectoplasm.
Best moment: Whenever Kumail Nanjiani shows up and reminds us this is supposed to be a comedy.
Rating: 3/10
The People’s Joker
Oddball trans comedian Vera Drew has taken the story of Batman vs. the Joker and reinterpreted it as a pseudo-documentary about a little boy growing up to become a famous woman in a world that doesn’t accept her.
The movie will have some appeal for anyone who’s ever felt like an outcast in a world of their own design. It’s certainly not aimed at a general audience, and on that note it gets a lot of mileage by casting Hollywood eccentric David Liebe Hart as Ra’s al Ghul.
Not every joke landed for me personally, though I can easily imagine this playing as a midnight movie double feature.
Best moment: Seeing the wanna-be larger than life Hart on the big screen for the first time.
Rating: 6/10
The Secret Art of Human Flight
Ben was already having a rough time in life before his wife suddenly passed away. Despite his family, friends, and neighbors offering support Ben holds them all at arm’s length and turns to an unusual spiritual guru named “Mealworm” (Paul Raci) who he met online. Though somewhat skeptical, Ben follows Mealworm’s strange advice with the promise that he’ll soon learn how to fly.
The script manages to pull off quite the balancing act, alternating between heavy topics such as death and lighthearted humor, while also leaving Mealworm’s intentions deliberately vague. The casting is also on point, particularly Raci who can pull off the 1960’s spiritual guru type by alternating between wise and creepy in the blink of an eye.
What’s amazing — and ultimately disorienting — about this film is the way it makes you feel your sense of reality slipping away along with Ben’s.
This is the latest film from Bay Area director H.P. Mendoza, who makes a cameo as a guard at a mental institution in this movie (hint: he’s the guy with glasses and a black mohawk.) To me he’ll always be the director of Colma: The Musical.
Best moment: Learning to speak to the pigeons.
Rating: 9/10
Longlegs
It’s the mid 1990’s and a mysterious serial killer known only as “Longlegs” is terrorizing small towns in Oregon. A semi-psychic FBI agent named Lee is tasked with tracking him down, despite her own childhood run-in with the killer.
What makes this movie so effective as a horror film is the fact that we barely see or hear anything from Longlegs himself; and when he does appear, he’s under such heavy makeup that you can barely tell it’s Nicholas Cage.
This is a tough movie to evaluate as it has flashes of brilliance, but other times sticks to the typical horror movie formula. The story revolves around Longlegs delivering creepy life-size dolls to families with girls; I can’t say too much more than that without heading into spoilers.
Longlegs is written and directed by Oz Perkins, aka the son of the actor who played Norman Bates in Psycho. The story is sometimes a little overcomplicated, although the cinematography cleverly directs your focus in ways that moves the plot along. I’d describe the type of horror as more foreboding than traditionally scary.
Best moment: The sinking feeling that being outside can be scarier than being trapped inside.
Rating: 7/10
CatVideoFest 2024
Another year, another chance to see cat videos on the big screen while supporting a local rescue shelter with CatVideoFest.
I’ve been reviewing these for the past few years and have nothing particularly new to say. If the idea of watching silly cat videos in a theater with an audience instead of alone on YouTube sounds appealing, welcome to the club.
I never hesitate to recommend this series as it’s funny and it’s for charity, so mark your calendars for next summer when CatVideoFest is sure to make its return.
Best moment: A human learning what happens when they try to tie their shoes in the presence of a hyperactive kitten.
Rating: 10/10
Only the River Flows
In the mid 90’s in a small town in China where it’s always raining, detective Ma (Yilong Zhu) is tasked with solving a string of unusual murders. The local police chief is under intense pressure to close the case, preferring to blame it all on a local “madman” and calling it a day.
The film is presented largely from Ma’s perspective. As his stress increases we see him begin to break down and seemingly have full-on hallucinations.
I should get this out of the way: I’m not very familiar with Chinese films, let alone independent Chinese films. However, like most indie films it doesn’t adhere as strictly to one genre as mainstream movies tend to do — aside from the police procedural it veers off into drama and lighthearted comedy at times. But I wouldn’t call it a dramedy either. If anything it has more in common with Twin Peaks than Knives Out.
Much of what makes this movie so intriguing is how subtle it can be, from Zhu’s performance to the lingering camera movements that let you know you’re seeing something important without giving away the meaning.
This is one of those rare movies that leaves you thinking long after you’ve left the theater. But it’s also frustrating because you need to go back and watch it again to fully understand it.
Best moment: Ma descending under the stress of his grim job.
Rating: 8/10
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Spring was never waiting for us, girl.
I know I’ve said this before but in comedy, plots are often a contrivance on which to hang jokes. The second Beetlejuice movie kind of takes this to the extreme with half a dozen plots that barely come together; but maybe that’s okay because you came for the jokes and not the story.
Most of the original cast is back with the exception of Jeffery Jones, who uh… well we’re better off pretending he’s dead. The movie would have been better if it hadn’t tried to explain this.
While not every aspect of this movie lives up to the original, the overall silliness is still there if somewhat repetitive. The one gag that actually works better this time around is the sandworm since you likely watched the new Dune movies recently.
Does this mean Tim Burton is back? I’m not so sure; even before his career devolved into making bargain bin children’s DVDs he was more of a writer and producer than a director. Which in its own way is perfect for a guy known for creating characters who try to become someone else.
Best moment: “I love a good dream sequence.”
Rating: 5/10
Megalopolis
There are bad movies, and then there are movies so bad they make you question if film should have even been invented.
In New Rome (New York City) an architect named Cesar discovers he has the power to control time. He’s working against the wishes of mayor Cicero to remake the city using a new material called “Megalon.”
The references to history repeating itself suggest the movie has something to say, however unoriginal it may be. Of the main characters the men typically speak like hipsters with English literature degrees and the women are little more than annoying sex objects.
Sometimes the right casting choices can elevate a so-so movie. This movie has an excellent cast but unfortunately it seems nobody told them what this movie was about. I’m not entirely convinced they were even aware the cameras were rolling in some of the scenes. It could potentially work if it were rewritten as a satire instead of taking itself seriously.
I guess there was a time when Francis Ford Coppola’s name meant something, but his best movies (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now) came out before my time. In recent decades his name is more closely associated with wine — he should have stuck with that.
Best moment: Around halfway through when I gave up watching this and decided to go do something else.
Rating: 0/10
¡Casa Bonita Mi Amor!
When the last outpost of Colorado-based Mexican restaurant chain Casa Bonita closes for good, South Park co-creator Trey Parker becomes interested in bringing back the last location of the “Disneyland of Mexican restaurants.” Of course, South Park fans will recognize Casa Bonita from the episode where Cartman hatches an elaborate ruse to get invited to a birthday party at the restaurant.
Unfortunately in the real world the place had fallen on hard times. The kitchen, swimming pool, HVAC, plumbing, electrical, etc. all need to be replaced — and the building itself has structural issues. Parker and his business partner/fellow South Park co-creator Matt Stone initially estimate the budget in the mid-millions of dollars but rapidly blow well past that.
I think most of us can understand the excitement of a passion project. But how many of us have the means or the time to see our passion projects through when we’re in way over our heads?
The documentary is told through interviews, archive footage, and fly-on-the-wall style footage. Most of this works well though some of the business aspects get a little tedious. Still it’s a relatively short film so it never gets overly bogged down on any single subject.
While this could easily have been a thinly-veiled advertisement for the restaurant I didn’t exactly find myself eager to visit. Those with a childhood connection to the place may feel differently.
Best moment: Watching Matt and Trey record hammy voices for some cheap-looking animatronics.
Rating: 8/10
Christmas Eve in Miller’s Point
An enormous and rambunctious extended family gather for Christmas, possibly for the last time at the suburban home where many of them grew up. This movie sidesteps the typical Christmas movie tropes and instead serves as a character-driven drama told through a series of vignettes.
What works about this movie is also what holds it back: the lack of a strong overall story gives the characters plenty of breathing room, while also leaving the audience feeling like they’re missing something as the events barely converge into a greater whole.
Best moment: The quiet awkwardness between a pair of cops played by Michael Cera and Gregg Turkington.
Rating: 4/10
Flow
A black cat is living its best life in a wild forest and the ruins of a human civilization. All is well until a catastrophic flood tears through the landscape, leaving the cat little choice but to join a “family” of other animals living together out of necessity on a small sailboat. The animals include a sleepy capybara, a loud but friendly dog, a treasure-hunting lemur, and a wise bird.
Unlike a Disney film, in this independent Latvian film the animals don’t talk and are (mostly) not anthropomorphized. There isn’t a single line of dialog… unless you count meowing, barking, etc.
The animation style is all 3D computer graphics with environments that alternate between hyper realistic and surreal, with the animals themselves getting cell-shaded animation. The result is a unique style you’re not likely to see anywhere else.
Although the film is intended for all ages I suspect some parts may be scary for the youngest audience members.
Best moment: The cat knocking a bowl off a shelf… on purpose.
Rating: 9/10
UHF (1989)
I’ve seen this movie many times but never in a theater. So when Alamo Drafthouse decided to screen it for its 35th anniversary I jumped on the opportunity right away.
When George (“Weird Al” Yankovic) is tasked with managing a TV station that nobody watches, he accidentally creates top rated independent TV shows due to his imagination and poor decisions. This plot is mostly a thin thread between sketch comedy like “Conan the Librarian,” a Raiders of the Lost Ark parody, and “Gandhi II: No More Mr. Passive Resistance.”
All your favorite comedy bits are there from the commercial for a store called “Spatula City” to the most absurd Rambo parody, or at least the most absurd until Hot Shots! Part Deux came along a few years later.
Like most comedies it’s a bit niche, or a cult classic if you prefer. While some comedies haven’t aged well due to jokes that seem mean-spirited in hindsight, UHF doesn’t have any of that, though its jokes about TV programming in the 80’s and some minor political jokes will probably go over the heads of most Gen Z viewers.
And then there’s the name of the movie. I doubt most people at the time even knew the difference between the two types of broadcast TV channels, the lower numbered VHF (Very High Frequency) vs. the higher numbered UHF (Ultra High Frequency) channels. Back then the independent channels that weren’t part of CBS, NBC, etc. were typically on the UHF band and did tend to show reruns, quirky children’s shows, movies you’d never heard of, etc.
The most surprising aspect of this movie is how little it relies on Weird Al’s music. The only full song of his in the movie is Beverly Hillbillies, his parody of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits. This one doesn’t do much for me — admittedly I don’t like the original song — though I noticed it didn’t get many laughs in the theater. A rare misfire for a musician known for song parodies.
Caveat: It’s impossible to talk about this movie without acknowledging that Michael Richards, aka Kramer from Seinfeld, plays a main character. While this movie came out a couple decades before his racist rant at a comedy club, if you can’t stomach the guy then this may not be the movie for you. Look I’m a white guy so who am I to even weigh in but everyone has a right to their own feelings.
All that said, if you remember the era of 1989 this movie is at times brilliant and hilarious… to me, at least.
Not far from downtown San Francisco in the SOMA area is an alleyway filled with giant keys and locks sticking out of the ground. Though it may give you the impression that giants walk above us, this is part of an installation called Locks and Keys for Harry Bridges by Bay Area artist Mildred Howard.
In 1978 former San Francisco supervisor Dan White assassinated mayor George Moscone and supervisor Harvey Milk. There’s a movie starring Sean Penn about it.
What some may not know is the hyper violent comedy movie RoboCop from 1987 contains a sequence parodying this event.
The movie technically takes place in Detroit, renamed Delta City (“The future has a silver lining”) which is now owned by an evil mega corporation called Omni Consumer Products. In an effort to reduce crime they revived a dying police officer and stuffed him into a metal suit, aka RoboCop.
It’s largely a parody of the Reagan era, with moronic CNN style news anchors interviewing RoboCop at “Lee Iacocca Elementary School” to a series of escalating incidents on the “Star Wars Orbiting Peace Platform” that somehow results in a space laser burning down the city of Santa Barbara.
The above clip is clearly a parody of Dan White with an armed former city official holding the mayor hostage and demanding his old job back. And a cup of coffee, and a car that goes really fast and gets really shitty gas mileage.
It should be noted, however, that the way RoboCop handled the situation may not have followed proper police procedures.
Tucked away in the corner of SFO’s International Terminal ticketing area between the food court and the Terminal A entrance sits the SFO Museum and Library. It’s built to look like a scale model of the SFO entrance hall from the past. Few seem to even know about this museum, yet they have small exhibits throughout the airport you’ve probably looked over while waiting for your flight.
The upper level of the museum is mostly a research library with books locked away behind glass; you need special permission to access them. Everything else is completely free to wander around and browse.
I should point out that despite the small size of the museum, their collection is enormous and rotates frequently. So what was on display during my visit may have been swapped out for another exhibit if you visit the museum in the not-so distant future.
Two of the oldest artifacts on display are a propeller made of wood and an airplane engine from the Wright Brothers’ eponymous company. It’s hard to imagine either of these being airworthy but then again I did fly around in a wicker basket that one time…
Not sure if this is commonly known but one of the business types involved with the Wright Brothers was a certain Glenn L. Martin, and yes that’s the same Mr. Martin who Lockheed-Martin is named after.
I found myself surprisingly intrigued by an exhibit on Pan Am executive Harold Bixby, who established their expansion into Asia back in the 1930’s. Through his personal letters and photos you get a sense of what travel was like back then — especially air travel. Ever wonder which came first, the airport or the airplane?
The answer, of course, is boats. Boats with wings on them, or “flying boats” could take off and land on any reasonably large and still body of water (such as the San Francisco Bay) instead of a paved runway. Sounds pretty wild today but the age of modern air travel didn’t really take off, so to speak, until after World War II.
All of this is a roundabout way of saying that the Bixby Collection ought to make you appreciate how much easier travel has become over the past century.
A small display of historic airline posters touting various destinations displayed in the museum gave off Mad Men vibes. I could see Don Draper presenting these as he puffed away at a cigarette.
Come to think of it, the American Airlines poster for San Francisco on the right almost looks like it could be on the cover of San Francisco Magazine.
For those of us who flew to or from SFO during a certain era the lyrics to Virgin America’s safety music video are seared into our brains. Whether or not you found the song catchy or annoying it’s very memorable — which is what matters for safety instructions.
Fly away with me, yeah.
The current Virgin America exhibit unfortunately misses the point. We all liked Virgin America not so much because of their unique amenities, but because they were the one airline with the audacity to offer amazing customer service instead of treating passengers like cattle. In fairness I don’t know how that could be encapsulated into a museum exhibit. It does show off how stylish the airline was, though without the purple/pink mood lighting.
Wikipedia says the name was originally Virgin USA although the way the logo is blurred out in certain scenes of the video seemingly contradicts this — it looks more like USA Virgin, maybe? I’m not great at reading lips but the only scene in the video that mentions the airline by name where their lips sync up is the “Thank you for flying Virgin America” sequence.
My recommendation: If you have time to spare at SFO and are interested in aviation it’s worth checking out. While it’s free the museum hours are limited. Most of the exhibits are temporary (the Virgin America exhibit ends in November 2024) so unless you’re a very frequent flyer there will probably be a new exhibit each time you’re there. The main level of the museum is on the same level as the BART platforms: if you exit forward through the faregates and go past the international check in counters, turn right and the museum is at the end of the hallway next to the A gates.
Much has already been said about the downfall of the San Francisco Centre mall, but those of us who remember its most recent incarnation will recall the basement in the east half of the building (the former Emporium) at one time had the most upscale food court in the city.
Westfield, the mall’s operator at the time, was so proud of this that they engraved their logo into every table.
It’s not a Westfield anymore.
The mall’s current operator could have fixed this by selling off the old tables, putting tablecloths over them, grinding out the logo, or… they could put grey masking tape over it.
So they went with the grey masking tape.
To be fair I took a close look at several tables and it and it doesn’t appear to be duct tape. But it’s still so cheap that it seems like the kind of thing Gordon Ramsey would yell at a restaurant owner about on Kitchen Nightmares.
This mall has so much empty space that it needs something to draw people back. Pickleball courts? A museum? A pinball arcade? A Meow Wolf installation? Or remember that Where the Wild Things Are exhibit they used to have next door at the Metreon?
Pretty much anything would be better than nothing.
Things aren’t going great in California right now for the poor. Instead of being taken care of they’re being treated like prisoners, which is exactly what happened in the 1995 episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine“Past Tense.”
In the episode, Commander Sisko, Lieutenant Dax, and Doctor Bashir get into some sci-fi nonsense and yadda yadda yadda… they accidentally wind up stuck in San Francisco during an event called the Bell Riots on the last weekend of August 2024.
Does that date seem familiar?
I should confess that I probably don’t count as a Trekkie and have never been to a convention. I’m mostly a fan of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, although I think I’ve seen most of The Original Series with Shatner and Nimoy. Anyone who’s encountered someone annoying on Muni has wished they could do the Vulcan nerve pinch like Spock did to that punk guy in 1984, am I right?
While the plot of Past Tense may not exactly apply to today, the general message of punishing the poor for being poor is spot on. Perhaps things would be different if BART had built the second Transbay Tube that appears on a subway map in the episode. Or not.
Oh and the episode involves a massive violation of the Prime Directive, but it wouldn’t be a good story without that, would it?
Say what you will about Star Trek but modern day San Francisco could learn a thing or two about its overall hopeful and progressive politics.
Situated roughly between downtown Mountain View and Google’s corporate campus is the Computer History Museum. I had a chance to visit for the first time the other day.
The museum’s main gallery — which is quite large — begins with the abacus, and ends more or less at the modern day. As if to drive the latter home there’s a self-driving car parked inside the lobby.
Where the museum’s collection starts to feel like a good fit for its Silicon Valley locale (more on this in a moment) is when it gets into the early electronic computers: punch cards, vacuum tubes, magnetic core memory, etc. These early machines were used for processing large volumes of data for banks, tracking census data, you name it.
Then World War II came along, and with it the need for even more powerful machines.
Interestingly the jump from mechanical to electronic computing didn’t happen in one fell swoop. There were machines that bridged the gap between the two, much like how most 64-bit computers can still run 32-bit software today.
At the tail end of the 1960’s something interesting happens: computers become a consumer product for the first time. Specifically the first ever home computer, the Honeywell Kitchen Computer (see above) was released as a pricey gimmick gift for $10,000 (~$83,000 adjusted for inflation today) via Neiman Marcus. According to Wikipedia it could be used to store recipes; assuming you were willing to take the two week training course to learn to use it.
Or that was the concept at least; none were ever sold. The real purpose was to get people talking about Neiman Marcus.
Around the same time, research labs were developing not only more powerful computers but operating systems like Unix (see above) and programming languages like Fortran, BASIC, and C that made them far easier to use for engineers. It also introduced the concept of running multiple processes in isolation from one another, something we take for granted today.
From this point there’s a fairly straight trajectory to modern day computing though it would take a multi-decade long meandering path for consumer PCs to catch up.
Computers aimed at home users began to appear in the late 1970’s in basically two formats: desktop computers from companies like Apple and Commodore, and video game consoles most notably from Atari. The museum includes many such systems as well as some early arcade games.
Some of the electronics from this era are truly wacky like the short-lived fad of “robots” which were at best slow, oversized RC cars. (Side note: check out this modern review of 1985’s Omnibot 2000.) The display with these oddball toys ends appropriately enough with a Furby.
The main collection ends on the late 90’s dot-com bubble, when online businesses like Pets.com and Webvan launched to much fanfare but without any realistic business plans. The only thing these companies really had to show for their efforts is how quickly they burned through their investors’ money.
Maybe it’s simply because I lived through this era and remember it well but I think it could almost fill an entire museum. Or it could fit in nicely with the Museum of Failure.
Observations that didn’t quite fit anywhere else:
The museum itself is located in an office building that was originally built for Silicon Graphics Inc., aka SGI. It has that in common with Google’s nearby Googleplex campus. If you’re wondering what happened to SGI, the tl;dr version is they made fancy workstations for 3D computer graphics but eventually you could do the same thing with an off-the-shelf PC, rendering (pun intended) their business obsolete.
This is a fairly traditional museum in terms of displays and explanations, unlike The Tech Interactive in San Jose which is more focused on hands-on education for kids.
In early photos of the first computers in use, the programmers are all women, overseen by a man — and everyone is white. These kinds of things are so strange in retrospect. Who decided to segregate it this way and why?
My recommendation: There’s a certain type of person who will be interested in this museum, and if it’s not obvious from the above I’m one of them. I think if the idea of computer history appeals to you, this museum is certainly worth checking out if you’re in the Silicon Valley area.
Now that The Onion has been acquired by Global Tetrahedron I’d love to see them bring back their best content. For those who don’t remember here’s the quick summary: the glory days of The Onion were before it was acquired by Univision, merged with the decrypt remains of Gawker after that Hulk Hogan/Peter Thiel mess, and sold off to some hedge fund as G/O Media. It wasn’t their best era. So far the new owners seem on board with their brand of humor at least, so there’s reason to be hopeful.
“In The Know with Clifford Banes” was their CNN Crossfire-style debate show parody that somehow managed to mock the format in every conceivable way. The alleged host Clifford Banes was never seen due to various implausible excuses.
We need this show to come back. Here are some of the greatest episodes.
Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don’t Give A Shit?
Premise: Testing is pointless because everybody is a lazy moron.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He’s fighting his nemesis atop an abandoned clock tower.
Best quote: “What about all the historical figures who didn’t give a fuck about anything?”
Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?
Premise: It’s a commercial for a juicer.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He ran someone over in the parking lot about an hour ago.
Best quote: “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that if customers act now they can have all this for four easy payments of $29.99?”
AA Destroying The Social Lives Of Thousands Of Once-Fun Americans
Premise: Alcoholic’s Anonymous is a dangerous addiction that destroys people’s lives.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He’s slowly counting backwards from 100.
Best quote: “What’s in your cup? What’s the matter? Why aren’t you drinking?!”
Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old Poor
Premise: There’s a problematic class divide between various levels of poverty.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He’s being fitted for a sarcophagus.
Best quote: “Sounds like mansion trash.”
Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies Where We Masturbate?
Premise: All adults are uncontrollable sex addicts.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: This is the only episode he’s in… supposedly.
Best quote: “Nowadays you go to a film with Frances McDormand, you’re almost guaranteed to see me ejaculating all over the armrests.”
Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough?
Premise: The best way to treat people suffering from paranoid schizophrenia is with secret invasive technology.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: Unmentioned.
Best quote: “I think what would be great would be a recorded voice on a loop saying everyone around you wants to get you… in reference to help.”
Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?
Premise: It devolves into a reality show with shaky handheld cameras.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He’s regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea.
Best quote: “When I would turn on the TV and see a skank on a dirtbike in a tube top, miniskirt, no underwear, trying to win an exclusive date with a C-list celebrity who wouldn’t even remember her name it hurt because I knew that I could never reach that level of skankiness myself.”
Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized?
Premise: Americans have lost touch with the true origins of Halloween.
Excuse for Clifford Banes’ absence: He’s staying off the grid until things cool down.
As someone who gets easily dehydrated during the hot summer months in a good year, I found myself struggling to get enough fluids after a recent illness. No amount of water, herbal tea, Gatorade, etc. seemed to be cutting it. I needed something stronger — and I needed it fast.
So I went to an IV therapy “spa” (or clinic, really) to get my blood supply topped off with a liter of saline.
Now if you’re unfamiliar with IV therapy, this type of treatment was starting to become trendy shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic began, so it never truly had a chance to catch on.
I know for many people this sounds like their worst nightmare because they hate needles, or at the very least seems like something questionable that warrants immediate skepticism.
I went to Ivy En Rose (try saying it out loud if you don’t get it) over on West Portal. On the inside the layout is kind of like a barber shop; a strange irony considering that barber shops once relieved people of their “bad” blood.
After a check in and medical evaluation that focused on my blood pressure, the nurse brought out the IV bag, the needle, etc. and hooked me up. This took maybe five to ten minutes.
Next came the waiting game, as in waiting for that saline solution to drip its way into me. This was a little under 45 minutes for a one liter bag which left plenty of time to peruse some magazines.
So based on my extremely limited experience it’s not as though anyone can walk in the door and demand that stuff be injected into their veins, no questions asked. Of course this assumes you go to a place that’s actually licensed.
However there is one big reason to be skeptical: the primary business of IV therapy spas is not to cure dehydration, but rather to supplement your blood directly with vitamins, minerals, etc. These treatments can be quite pricey and I’m not sure how medically necessary they are for most people. That said, I could see someone with a liver malfunction, or an iron deficiency, etc. getting a quick boost from some of these IV therapies; I’m far less sold on mainlining vitamin C for an immunity boost or an entire cocktail of supplements for post-workout recovery.
In my case I’m pleased to say that one liter of saline drip was exactly what I needed.
Today in our modern era of on-demand convenience, there are mobile IV therapy nurses who can come directly to your home or office. There’s not much equipment involved so this could be an option for someone who’s either bedridden or is busy with work.
Is IV therapy right for you? Well, if you’re a biohacker type or if you’ve undergone similar treatments under the supervision of a doctor, you’ll be fine. On the other extreme end I can’t see anyone who’s terrified of needles opting in to an IV under any circumstance. As for everyone in between, it’s ultimately your call — assuming you even have a reason you’d even need IV therapy, of course.
