Who needs Dan Savage’s sex advice column when you have this fire hydrant? From the looks of things, so far the hydrant advice is not up to par. But it’s passable for a first attempt.
(Spotted at 15th and Dolores.)
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Harvey Milk stencil
A new stencil appeared around town lately depicting the late civil rights icon Harvey Milk. But would Milk have been okay with defacing public property with, well, his face? And would he be able to appreciate the irony of the color choice (white)?
I don’t know the answer to these questions. But perhaps John Avalos could bust out his
Ouija board and find out.(Spotted on 17th and South Van Ness.)
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Never Forget Jesse Morris
Someone has taken to printing up stickers to commemorate Jesse Morris, the much beloved busker who was best known for his Johnny Cash covers.
While this may seem like an odd way to pay tribute to someone’s memory, Morris spent his time on street corners and Bart stations. It’s fitting, then, that these stickers are found on street corners and Bart stations.
But don’t worry, sticker artist — we have not forgotten.
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Food trucks officially jump the shark
The Whole Foods food truck was embarrassing enough. But now that Burger King has entered the game, the game is officially over.
The items sold by Burger King do not qualify as “food” by any normal standard, and their attempt to disguise this fact by placing them inside of an imitation food truck seems eerily reminiscent of a cargo cult.
So next time you’re hungry, don’t check Twitter, don’t go to Off the Grid, and stay away from the sOmA sTR3@t f00D pArK. You’ll have to go to a restaurant instead — thanks to Burger King, food trucks are over and done.
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Belgian eatery enforces rules with stiletto skullcrusher
They say “rules are made to be broken,” but the truth is that rules are made to be ignored. If you don’t believe that, then I have a pop quiz about the iTunes terms you agreed to last month.
So when you have a rule that’s important, how do you get people to pay attention?
Frjtz, the Valencia St. Belgian-style eatery, has taken to invoking the infamous stiletto skullcrusher to draw your eyes to their no-heels-on-the-bed rule. Because what says “high heels” like a woman best known for smacking people in the head with them?
Or maybe it’s a thinly veiled threat — keep your heels off the bed or else.
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Muni wishes you a Happy Halloween
While an educated observer might note that Halloween was, like, six months ago or something, there hasn’t been a compelling reason to stop celebrating. Muni certainly hasn’t, as seen above.
In the immortal words of Ministry, “Everyday is Halloween.” So why not celebrate? Put on that costume and break out your flask, it’s time to Trick-or-Treat, Muni style.
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Pigeon undaunted by owl statue
Call me crazy, but I kinda like pigeons. They’re simple, awkward creatures that — despite the bad press they get — don’t really hurt anyone.
And yes, I’d probably feel differently if I owned a car.
While we may sit back and laugh at the apparent stupidity of the pigeons, sometimes I question whether we’re any less stupid. After all, our attempts to dissuade them with owl statues are never effective. If we’re so smart, shouldn’t we have learned this by now?
(Pigeon spotted at Capp and 16th.)
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Trapped in a Box ($50)
Is it an art installation? A light switch box? Or perhaps it’s a satirical jab at Marcel Duchamp?
Regardless, that seems a bit pricey for a light switch. Particularly a used one.
Spotted at Pauline’s Pizza.
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West of Pecos opens Monday, May 14th
West of Pecos, the new restaurant from the Woodhouse Fish Company folks, is slated to open this Monday, May 14th.
As you may recall, this newly built-out restaurant replaces the old Valencia St location of beloved Indian ice cream joint, Bombay Bazar.
For more on West of Pecos, check Eater’s coverage here.
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Things San Franciscans despise: filth
Most visitors would be shocked to learn that San Franciscans hate filth.
Ours is a city that doesn’t want to stay clean, but we try our best. Some cleaning accomplishments we’re especially proud of include:
- We require restaurants to display a hygiene score card.
- We have a number to call for park and sidewalk cleaning.
- We heavily fine anyone who dares block our street cleaning vehicles’ precise schedule.
Yes, we live in moldy old buildings. Yes, the entire city often smells terrible. And yes, that’s human urine on your car door. Sorry, I should have told you not to park here.
Tourists don’t recognize our little obsession with cleanliness because we often focus on minor details, ignoring larger issues that are politically unpalatable to address head-on.
The poster child for our cleanliness obsession reaching a disorder level is Bart. Despite drug deals and human excrement problems in certain stations, Bart focuses on appeasing germaphobes who demand free hand sanitizer and inorganic germ-resistant vinyl seats.
This isn’t to say San Franciscans are trying to scrub away our hippie image; we’re just washing our organic heirloom tomatoes with soap these days.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go confirm that the overflowing trash can I reported to 311 was emptied.
Original photo by gruntso.
About Eric
Travel, movies, comedy, tech, and whatever I find on the streets of San Francisco.
Contact: mrericsir “at” gmail.com
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