The funny thing about Dane Cook is that he’s not funny. This would be unremarkable were it not for his comedy albums, films, and TV specials.
How can a comedian who isn’t funny be so popular?
This was bothering me a while ago, but I’ve finally realized that every Cook fan I’d ever met was a frat guy. I think that explains it.
Here’s my screenplay of how Cook became famous. Imagine this happening in every dorm across the country.
INT. ROWDY FRAT HOUSE - NIGHT
A party is taking place. FRAT GUY is looking for action
and SORORITY GIRL is bored and watching TV. Dane Cook is on.
SORORITY GIRL is staring at the screen.
FRAT GUY approaches SORORITY GIRL.
FRAT GUY
Hey, what's up?
SORORITY GIRL
(drinking)
Watching Dane Cook. He's funny!
FRAT GUY
(oblivious)
Oh, yeah... um. Dane Cook! He's
great. Like that one thing he
does, um...
SORORITY GIRL
Could you hand me that beer?
FRAT GUY
(Hands her a beer and
sits next to her)
Sure, here.
She chugs the beer quickly.
SORORITY GIRL
Ahh. Oh man. Oh. Hey.... you're
so hot, I wanna **** *** **** ***
***!
Sorority Girl smiles drunkenly and goes down out of the
frame. Frat Guy stretches and smiles in contentment.
INT. RECORD STORE - DAY
In the comedy isle, FRAT GUY picks up every Dane Cook CD
they have and puts it into his basket.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY
Outside a building, FRAT GUY is standing around waiting.
SORORITY GIRL exits the door and he meets up with her.
FRAT GUY
Hey, what's up?
SORORITY GIRL
(startled)
Oh... uh. Hi. Not much.
FRAT GUY
Hey, remember how you said you like
Dane Cook? Well I was just listening
to his CDs and...
SORORITY GIRL
(confused)
Dane who? What are you talking about?
FRAT GUY
I um... so you wanna...
SORORITY GIRL
(annoyed)
Uh, I gotta go.
Makes sense? I hope so, because if that doesn’t explain Dane Cook, then I don’t know what does.